


Deconstructing Skywalker and Kenobi

by emryskynobi



Series: The Multi-Verse of STAR WARS [2]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Kinda poem type pieces about the Skywalker and Kenobi team, M/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, please do not post to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23126545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emryskynobi/pseuds/emryskynobi
Summary: Thought pieces from multiple point of views regarding the team that is Skywalker and Kenobi.Warnings: Not really.  It goes from the first movie all the way to the sixth.  But nothing spoilery is here, unless you really haven’t seen any of the movies.Pairings: Somewhat unrequited Anakin for Obi-Wan.Summary: Anakin’s reflections over his lifetime.Author’s Note:  Wrote this on the spur of the moment, so it isn’t polished at all.Originally posted in 2006 on fanfiction.net.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: The Multi-Verse of STAR WARS [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662073
Comments: 33
Kudos: 12
Collections: SW Especially Satisfying Stories





	1. My Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own them. George Lucas created this world which Disney now owns.

654321

_When I met him, he became the center of my world, though he knew it not_.  
  
I wanted him to be my everything.  
I wanted there to be my mother’s compassion and Qui-Gon’s belief in me within his heart.  
I wanted him to be strong and full of wisdom like Obi-Wan and to trust and see me like Padmé does.  
  
I needed him to slay my fears and guard me from my heedlessness.  
I needed him to discipline me firmly, with an authority I would listen to, yet be gentle with me for all my flaws.  
I needed him to be perfect in all ways, to never let me down, and found him wanting.  
  
I sought perfection in another and thought I had found it.  
I sought a mentor in the man who became a friend and lost my true companion to suspicion.  
I sought freedom, not through the boundaries the Jedi provided, but the limitless possibilities he offered me.  
  
Forsaking one life, I found myself enslaved in chains of my own making.  
Forsaking truth for power, I bought into the lying truths of the one I believed to be my wise friend.  
Forsaking my dreams for an obsession, I lost my freedom in a body of metal and wires.  
  
In following one master, I destroyed that which I loved most.  
In following the promptings of my feelings, I brought about violent and thorough change to this world.  
In following the very impulses I had taught myself not to ignore, I cursed my people to exile and drowned myself in blood and lies.  
  
Facing him again, I thought I would free myself from that guilt, that pain.  
Facing the mirror of my darkness, I needed to destroy that light for I feared its power revealed the bitter truth to my closed eyes.  
Facing the living image of myself in my son’s very countenance, I found myself again, found the strength to let go and become what I always desired.  
  
_In death, I found him…and found that he was, as he had been in the beginning, my everything_.


	2. Meditations of a Jedi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Obi-Wan’s reflections of Anakin and his time together up until Mustafar.

_Love is both nothing and everything to a Jedi; I have learned this the hard way_.  
  
From the first moment I heard of him, he was ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’ to me.  
I knew at that moment that ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’ was the cause of the elusive disturbance I had felt in the Force on the Trade Federation ship.  
It did not take one with the sight to know that someone with that level of aptitude in the Force was destined to do great things.  
Great things, indeed, but which side of the Force would ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’ choose to serve?  
  
It was not jealousy or envy that caused me to feel the danger from ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’.  
There was something more to it than that for I had learned well from my Master and friend, Qui-Gon that such feelings were unprofitable and helped none.  
‘ _The_ _boy_ ’ took my hand when Qui-Gon introduced us and I felt the strong contradictions within him, threatening to tear him apart-and with him, me.  
His eyes sought mine and I searched them, seeing the plea within them.  
  
A plea I had seen before in so many eyes, begging me to take away the pain and fear for he could not bear it while he thought I could.  
To remove from him the sorrow and break the chains binding his soul in tight fetters that held him captive to the past, to promise him freedom from it all.  
One that I simply could not take from him for I did not want to see past my feelings of the danger ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’ exuded from every pore of his body.  
How appropriate, though, that his eyes were a deep blue like the ocean.  
  
Depths within depths that only ended in bottomless darkness where no light would ever penetrate.  
I saw the darkness first, the danger that the Council felt, and clung to that image before I allowed myself to see the light.  
To see ‘ _the_ _boy’s_ ’ light as Qui-Gon had pleaded with me to see and feel it, on that day I ceased to think of him as ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’.  
He became Anakin to me.  
  
Still, I would not truly see until to late what truth lay behind those eyes that lost their effervescent shine to a cold arrogance.  
A misplaced, yet somehow rightful pride in his abilities and a desire for power stole the innocence and affectionate joy from his life, and from my own.  
He found another to answer the pleas within his soul, one who slowly stole his ability to love with all his heart from him.  
All he ever needed was for me to see what he truly needed - and that was all of me.  
  
For all my devotion and feelings to be centered and given to him without restraint.  
This should not have surprised me for it is something that all Padawans seek from their Masters at one time or other.  
I had often sought that approval, that sense of belonging to someone from the first moment I understood the true depths of Master and Padawan bonds.  
Even when Qui-Gon did not want me, I sought it from him when first we met.  
  
 _Oh, Qui-Gon, how could you ask this of me_?  
How could you believe that I would be able to give him what he truly needed when I was so unprepared for that burden?  
Why did you think it possible when I was no more a true Master to him than he could ever be a true Padawan to me?  
A Jedi he desired to be, but he did not want to waste his time being a Padawan Learner.  
  
Of all things to say to me on that, our final day together, why had it been to train him?  
Was it that you knew how you had always been first in my life and hoped that I would transfer that affection to him?  
I could not have been less prepared for taking on an apprentice than I was that day that I promised you that I would do so.  
I was even less prepared for the Council to agree to let me do so, knowing how they felt about him.  
  
Yet, they did.  
They did and I found myself with a young boy who could not truly be called a child whose whole life rested in my hands.  
The life of a gifted young man who needed more from me than I felt right to give him for fear of what it may do to me.  
A young man whom I both loved and feared for what lay beneath the surface of his life.  
  
I did the best I could and my best was not good enough to save him.  
Taking Anakin under my wing, I trained him as I had been trained while fumbling around for the best words to speak to him.  
A thousand worlds I can enslave, I could bring peace to, with the power of my words, and they were all for naught whenever they truly mattered.  
They failed me whenever I tried to speak to Anakin.  
  
What more could I have done for this man that I love as part of myself?  
As we cross swords and words, I wonder how I could have let us fall so far apart that he could not trust me.  
I wonder how I could not have once, just once, reached out in friendship and love for him, to let him know that I understood.  
To let him see how, impossible as it may seem, that I hurt when he hurts.  
  
Fighting back tears, I stare down at him.  
Clenched so tightly in my fist I can feel the bloody cuts from my nails, my light saber waited for me to make the final decision for which there was no turning back.  
Knowing what he is now, seeing it in those depthless eyes that will forever haunt me, I find that I cannot move my arm either way.  
I cannot kill this man in mercy or in hate for I do not feel either for him right now.  
  
I turn and walk away, half hoping to hear him call out to me.  
Though knowing that one day we would meet again, that his fragile and unformed hate for me will become a fierce weapon, I can do no less.  
For this is ‘ _the_ _boy_ ’ of old, the young Padawan I trained, Anakin whom I loved dearly, and, in the end, the Sith who did what had to be done.  
I see all that he was and all that he is, I live in hope for what he may truly become.  
  
 _And that is not this wretched being I leave behind who spits both his hatred and love at me_.

End

_I have in mind that at the end, Obi-Wan acknowledges in some way that Vader will survive this. That the two of them are so entwined with each other, that they won't live long without the other._


	3. For he is not truly mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Qui-Gon’s thoughts in the movie, not beyond. I’m not sure how I feel about a glowy Qui-Gon.
> 
> Author’s Note: This is a piece I wrote to see if I could crawl into Qui-Gon's head, get his voice down. I'm not sure that I got it right and it's far sadder than the original. Still, it has its own charm. At least, I hope it does. Ah, there's that old insecurity showing again.

654321

“ _I have a bad feeling about this_.”

Those were the first words you used to describe the young Anakin Skywalker and you had yet to meet him, you only felt him where I could not.  
Yet you did not understand the subtle fluctuations within the Living Force as fully as I did, so I discounted your words as merely your anxieties.  
So logical and levelheaded you had become that I could only barely see you as you were, so hard did you try to eradicate your past.  
A past that was as ambitious as young Skywalker’s own dreams for his mother and the enslaved people of Tatooine.

In desiring you to learn calm and to lose yourself in the Jedi way, did I crush that passionate heart of yours within you?  
Change it from reaching out to those around you and turn it into a stoicism that blanketed your heart under a seemingly cruel disdain for others?

Did I give you the impression that to show outward emotions, to show any overt emotions, was wrong?

For I well remember the passionate young man who became my Padawan, reluctant though I was to take you on.  
It was not entirely about you, for you were and still are a bright young man, rather it was what I saw and feared within you.  
Anger and pain, doubt over your own capabilities, a hungry need for acceptance from anyone who would care, these were things I had seen before.  
An ambition to be the best, to be the brightest, my own, dear old Master had those desires, though he hid it from the Council well.

Yes, you were a Padawan that I did not want, despite the fact that the Force was telling me that I needed you in my life.  
The Living Force could see what I could not, for I was too focused on what had been rather than what could and should be.

You are my center, the one who gives me the focus I need to work the will of the Force as it desires to be.

I know that my ways have often confounded you, has often left you baffled and grasping for some kind of limb to cling to.  
In truth, I have rarely understood them myself for I seem to follow that voice so easily that I do not question what must be done.  
I just know, with everything that I am and all that I have learned, that nothing happens by chance.  
Nothing I have done in my life, none of the things that we have done on our missions, is an accident.

Yet for all the confusion, you have always followed me and provided for me the things I ask, asking for nothing in return from me, save my approbation.  
Introducing you to Anakin, I could see what you with your skeptic sight fully in place, could not.

Not even after arriving on Coruscant did you see it, though it was plain to any who cared to look.

Walking away with the Queen and her entourage, he turned back to look at us but it was not from ** _me_** he sought permission to go with them from.  
It was to you, my dear Padawan, to **_you_** that he looked at so pleadingly, so earnestly and waited for some kind of sign **_from_** _**you**_ about what to do.  
He wanted to know that it was okay **_with you_** if he left with them, wanted to know that **_you_** would not disapprove.  
You who had distrusted him from the first moment you felt his presence and became aware of who he was.

You who did not do more than offer him a half-hearted shake of the hand and a barely there smile.  
You who had seen him bundled up in that blanket on that hard bench in the ship’s commissary and gave him your bed.

I had felt a disturbance in the Force and walked out to investigate the source, fearing that it was Anakin who had been forgotten in the excitement.

What I saw in that moment let me know that I had not misjudged you, though it filled me with a fear that I did not understand then.  
Ever so gently, you bent down and wrapped your cloak about him, before you picked him up and carried him into your room.  
Watching you move so slowly, as though you feared he would awaken, I was breathless at the tender emotion on your face.  
You spent the night on the cold and unforgiving hard floor, so that he could rest in the comfort of your bed.

The next morning, you left him sleeping on that bed and he never knew who had brought him there to rest.  
Anakin thought it was me who had given up my cloak and my bed, who comforted him all through the night.

I did not bother to correct his belief for a reason that I clearly see now as I wait and recall our time on the ship.

Was I wrong in doing this, in denying the both of you the bond that I was beginning to see between you?  
Was the jealousy that I thought was yours because I wanted this boy to come with us, really mine?  
Could I have been fearful of loosing you, my Padawan, to him for the Force seemed to have chosen you to be his guardian as it chose me to be yours?  
To lose you to this boy who gave so freely and asked for so little in return from others, could I really be so selfish?

I asked the Council to give him to me and grant you Knighthood for I wanted you to stay what you had always been, mine.  
I was denied, for they felt they knew best and, though it meant I was unable to help him as a Padawan, in my heart I was relieved.

But I would see to it that he had some training in the Jedi arts, I did not want his talent to go to waste.

‘ _Stay on that ship_ ’, I ordered him, wanting him to be safe and out of the way of the fighting - and away from Obi-Wan, though that went unspoken.  
Anakin could not understand why I wished him to stay there but he did as I asked and remained behind.  
Obi-Wan and I fought the Sith and in fighting him, I fought a battle within my own soul over my conflicted wants.  
I realized that I had to let Obi-Wan go for his destiny lay with the boy I had found and brought into the light.

My Padawan’s destiny was no longer entwined with my own as it had been; for all that he loved me though not in the same way as I did him.   
For all the love I held for him, I was holding him back and he would never grow up to be the Jedi I saw in him as long as I did so.

To leave him this way, so alone and confused, not yet ready for the future before him, deeply hurt me.

Losing him to death while there was still so much to say, but I had to let go and leave him to care for Anakin.  
Trusting his heart and binding him to a fate of great joy - and infinite sorrow, this was something I had to do.  
For I could see Obi-Wan in ways that he could not, as he would never allow himself to see who he was.  
He was my Padawan, my Obi-Wan Kenobi, who would bear up under the pressure with a grace and nobility befitting a Jedi.

He would transcend the limits placed upon him with Anakin by his side; he would become all that he needed to become.  
Before the both of them, a terrible era would begin and they would need each other to get through it.

It was enough for they would be enough to face it together, though they may be torn asunder for a time.  
I truly believe that they are the best the Force has to offer this world.  
I...I can no longer hold onto him and in truth, I do not want to.  
Obi-Wan is no longer mine to love and protect, I give him freely to the one who will love him best.  
Love and care for him as I could not for loving Obi-Wan was not my appointed task, only a gift granted me for a time.

He is destined for a far greater love, one that will carry him through all the disappointments and dangers ahead.  
I am only the man who was granted the right to stand in his light, to protect him and guide him to that greater destiny.  
  
 _Together, they two are one, in a way that we could not be and now, it is enough for me_.  
  
End.

_This can be read as unrequited Qui-Gon towards Obi-Wan or simply platonic._


	4. How could he not see?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairings: (implied) Obi-Wan/Anakin. Padmé/Anakin.
> 
> Summary: Padmé’s thoughts as she thinks about Obi-Wan and Anakin.
> 
> Author’s Note: I think it’s rather incoherent and not quite in her voice. But by the third movie she seemed to have lost that, so what the hey. Slightly echoes the first Anakin drabble, “My Everything”. Uhm, goes along with the other drabbles I’ve written. I’m sure you’re thinking, we know.

654321

  
“ _You love him too, don’t you?_ ”

With those words, all the little niggling questions that had plagued my mind had solidified into one thought.  
Obi-Wan loved Anakin just as much as Anakin loved him, if not more so.  
And only Obi-Wan had the power to save him from this fall the Master Jedi saw coming.

Why, oh why couldn’t that foolish man see it for himself when it was all to clear?  
Why did he think that it was me who could save Anakin just because I was his wife?  
Why, when it was so obviously him who held Ani’s saving grace within his hands and his heart?

This quietly passionate man, with his humble dignity is the only one with the strength to hold Anakin together.

I saw it, why couldn’t he?  
Why couldn’t the Jedi Council see what they had done to them by sending him away, alone?  
Separating them - especially at this time - was so wrong, they needed to be together.

Anakin saw himself as being incredibly blessed to have Obi-Wan at his side.   
He’s so pleased with the Skywalker/Kenobi team that he cannot contemplate a time when he will not need it to be there.  
Their pairing is oxygen to him, it is his life’s blood.

I saw how with a few words Obi-Wan could cool that passionate temper of his.

Though he railed against the way Obi-Wan treated him, he would not want him anywhere else.  
He would not want to be anywhere else but there, at his side.  
Obi-Wan is more than a father or a brother to him, more than a friend and mentor.

Anakin thought I never saw it, never felt it.  
But I was only all too aware of this phantom rival.  
The phantom rival I could never win against.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is what I never could be, his true soul mate.

And oh, how that thought stings and pricks my heart, causing it to bleed unceasingly.  
I, who have lied and betrayed my own conscience, do not rate so high.  
Hard as it is to accept, I am not his perfect love as he swears.

If I was, he would leave the Jedi Order no matter what I say to him.  
When fully determined, not even the Force’s will can stop him from following his own whims.  
Yet, he listens to me and stays with them.

He stays for one reason, one alone, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I should hate the man.  
Really I should for he has all that I have broken my principles for and does not see it.  
I knew that we would be the destruction of each other.

I just never imagined that it would be like this.  
To me, to be Anakin Skywalker’s wife is to be alive.  
To him, I am only his perfect, pristine, angelic love.

And his prized, secret possession.

I once was a Queen who ruled my country honestly and to the best of my abilities.  
Who, in a time of great peril, made a decision to invade and free it from our enemies.  
I made that choice when no one would help us.

Not even our own Senator Palpatine did.  
For all his fine words and high moral stance, he did nothing.  
Yet, I admire him for the courage of conviction he shows.

Though I fear the taint he has now acquired.

The power Chancellor Palpatine possesses has possessed him.  
I fear that it will possess my Ani as well.  
Possess him and take him farther from me than I have the will to follow.

Farther than even Obi-Wan has the strength to save him.  
I know that if Ani does fall, I will suffer at his hand, hoping to help reach him.  
I know and I will walk willingly into it, hoping that he will yet be saved.

Be saved by the one who couldn’t admit the depths of his love for Ani to me, yet his actions clearly reveal it.

End.


	5. Separation is a must

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairings: Anakin/Amidala, suspicions of Obi-Wan/Anakin. Well, for once in his life, Anakin doesn’t confide in him, so he relies on his suspicions.
> 
> Summary: Just Palpatine’s thoughts about his plans, his future apprentice, his plot over getting Amidala and Anakin together. The usual.
> 
> Author’s Note: Palpatine does not separate himself from his Darth Sidious identity. I doubt I could write him as two different people.

654321

_Anakin Skywalker_.

He was _my_ Masterpiece.  
Mine, not that fool Obi-Wan’s.  
But I needed that foolish Jedi to do what I could not.

No, that’s not quite true.  
I could’ve trained him, my perfect creation.  
But that would’ve meant a sacrifice on my part.

A sacrifice I was unwilling to make for that meant losing all I had worked for all these long years.  
So, he was given to another.  
One who could not really influence him to follow that useless code they speak so highly of.

The elder one, that stupid Qui-Gon who could’ve had the Galaxy had he tried for it, would die.  
I could not work around him easily, blind though he could be by his zeal.  
Once my apprentice Darth Maul fulfilled his part, he would be sacrificed as well.

A small price to pay to get at the true apprentice I dreamed of.  
The one, their _Chosen One_ , was the only one worthy to use my teachings.  
Obi-Wan was nothing, nothing at all.

Or so I thought.

My boy, so full of passion and fire, did the unthinkable.  
He bound himself to that worthless Jedi with all his soul.  
I could _see_ it every time he visited me.

His confidences were mine.  
His passionate obsession was for Queen/Senator Padmé Amidala.  
Now, that little happening couldn’t have worked out better had I planned it myself.

And fit right in with my own designs for his life.  
She played a part in my ultimate plans, this Angel of his dreams.  
I knew that she, like so many, would not be able to resist him and his pleas for long.

But I could not possibly have foreseen this…this _unthinkable_ act of his.  
That he would allow the full extent of his loyalty to be given to that _Obi-Wan_.  
The Jedi, that by the book, straight-laced man, who claims to be his Master.

I watched them from the shadows.  
I listened to every word that fell from my boy’s lips.  
I scrutinized every detail of their missions together.

How could I have missed this blatant connection?

Was it so obvious in all they did that I ignored its presence because it was normal?  
That I, who am aware of _everything_ that boy does, chose not to see it?  
To know how much trouble it was going to cause me, as it was insignificant?

“Kill Kenobi,” I ordered Count Dooku on Geonosis.  
He failed, though it was through no _direct_ fault of his own.  
That flair for dramatics has often been a failing of his.

“Destroy him,” was my every order after the war began.  
It had to look natural, as though it was just one more tragic loss in a long and painful war.  
Many would mourn his fall in battle, that was a given for he was a hero.

I would see to it that he would not die ignobly.  
He deserved no less after the service he provided for me.  
If not for him, Anakin would never have been given the very keys to destroy the Jedi.

But separate him from Anakin I would for that was my main priority now.  
Unfortunately, the desire of my boy was opposite of mine, he wanted Obi-Wan by his side.  
Full speed ahead, off he would go to his rescue every time he needed it.

**EVERY SINGLE TIME** , his stubborn clinging to that dried up stick began to erode every one of my nerves.

Forcing myself to take a step back, I rethought my plan.  
Sending them both off to track a ship would get them off my hands for a time.  
And my capture by General Grievous would drive a wedge between them.

Knowing Anakin as I did, I knew that he would feel that he would have protected me better.  
Somewhere inside of him, he would blame Obi-Wan for keeping him away from Coruscant.  
I would finally see that Jedi bane of my existence destroyed and Anakin stand firmly by my side.

I can almost taste Kenobi’s death and the fallout of Skywalker’s rage.  
It wouldn’t take much to push him away from the Jedi discipline that has indoctrinated him.  
Has allowed him to temper his rage, turning it into a weapon of leashed potential.

Confident, I wait for the moment to dawn on a new day.  
The victory of the Sith was assured this day.  
And it would begin with the fall of Kenobi.

Those fatal words rang in my ears, “ _His fate will be the same as ours_.”  
Swallowing my seething indignation, I followed him out of the room.  
Within I had reached the end of my patience for his continued obstinacy with his old Master.

Kenobi **must** die, there was no other option if Skywalker was to join me.

That Jedi had stood in my path for the last time.  
In truth, even the first time was one time to many.  
Anakin revealed more to me then he knew.

I knew he despised me for wanting to leave his friend behind.  
His blind devotion worked in my favor though, for he only saw me as a harmless man.  
A courageous man, that was certainly true in his eyes, but not a soldier.

Not a man who understood the extent of what he was asking of him.  
Oh, I understood far more than he thought I did, naive child.  
It was all there in his words that rang hollowly in my ears, “ _Then we’ll all be adrift together_.”

Saying with those six little words that he would rather die than lose Obi-Wan.  
He could not comprehend life without his friend.  
This friend who he honored and valued above the bond we shared.

I could see what he could not, irritatingly disappointing though it was.  
It took me a few years but I finally saw a maddening truth, I would never win this contest.  
If forced to choose between us, I would lose to Kenobi - **_every single time_**.

It was all there when he refused to let him go in order to grab my hand in that elevator shaft.

I would have to do something else for killing him now was no longer an option.  
It would have to be something so prosaic as divide and conquer.  
But how could I accomplish this task if he refused to let Kenobi go?

There had to be _something_ that I could use for trying to set them against each other wasn't working.  
It had to be something that was more vital, more important to Anakin’s life than I and the Jedi are.  
And then it came to me, it was really all too simple.

Padmé Amidala Skywalker.  
The one secret that he would never reveal to Obi-Wan, no matter how close they got.  
Fear of his friend’s reaction would keep him silent about what destroyed his peace of mind.

Fear would keep him off balance.  
And it would be she who would give me what I wanted.  
I would offer him the power to save her from death's relentless grip.

I could see the struggle in his mind, the question in his eyes.  
What would Obi-Wan do if he were here?  
I twisted that against him in the most simple, direct way I could.

Did he love Obi-Wan Kenobi more than his wife?

Letting him leave, telling him to meditate, I knew it was only a matter of time.  
A desire to save those he loved, to be _right_ , had always been his driving force.  
To stop the death of his beloved, it really was no question without Obi-Wan there to guide him.

Though he wanted his help, Obi-Wan would be far away from him.  
Obi-Wan could turn him from the Sith path, yet he would not be there to do so.  
Of all the Jedi alive, he only ever listened to Obi-Wan.

And he was gone from his side, sent away by the Council as I had foreseen.  
My foolish boy was left to listen to those who let _fate's_ whims dictate their path.  
A way of life that had never been his own for he was born to be a Sith.

A Sith deals in absolutes, not unlike the Jedi do with their code.  
He must choose to learn the Dark Side of his own free will.  
No one else could make this choice for him.

Once he made the choice, there was no going back.  
They could not allow him to live.  
I could not allow them - or his wife - to live.

Ironic, isn’t it that it was Kenobi, the perfect Jedi himself, who gave me the perfect tool to reshape the world?

Destroying him and leaving him to die like that, such a piteous waste.  
Yet, it gave me the chance to recreate him in a new, more awesomely terrifying form.  
A form that gave the impression of strength-while robbing him of the full power he used to have.

The Force that used to be his greatest ally, became nothing more than a token tool for him.  
Its presence is in everything but, being more machine than man, he could not touch it as before.  
He could not use it as once he did.

Though it denied me the full range of his abilities, it protected me from him.  
My Apprentice could never betray me now.  
I alone was the Master of the Force.

The Jedi were gone, almost entirely.  
Anakin’s child was dead, along with Amidala.  
Soon, Kenobi and Yoda would fall by my mighty blade.

All that I have worked for has fallen into my grasp.  
Never again would I have to hide my true face.  
All bow before me and I have all that I want-though, of course, I desire one thing more.

The death of Kenobi at my Apprentice’s hand will be sweet indeed.

Yet when it happened, I was denied my victory.  
Even when the killing blow was struck, that Jedi _dared_ to taunt me.  
He transcended mortal flesh and has evaded us in death as he had done for years in life.

I feel him, that disdainful Jedi, in the air about us.  
I can sense his mocking presence wherever I go now.  
There are currents manipulating themselves about me that I cannot push back.

Kenobi shelters someone and after much concentrated searching, I finally know who it is.  
The knot he carefully constructed has come undone at last and I see him fully now.  
Skywalker had a son with his wife, a son-and he is not dead but lives.

I see him and do not like what I see for he breathes of the Kenobi and Skywalker team.  
The loyalty and passion his father wore like a badge of honor flows within him.  
The caution and foresight Obi-Wan Kenobi was known for tempers that fire.

Within him I perceive his mother’s courage before I broke it completely by tying her to him.  
I can feel Qui-Gon’s measured recklessness and his compassionate convictions.  
And Yoda’s never say try philosophy.

_This boy, this Luke Skywalker, must die or he will be the death of me_.

End.

_Eh, I’m not too sure about this one. Palpy’s head is rather hard to get into - even if you read the novels b/c he’s so good at not being who he is. Did that make any sense? And, yes, in the "Revenge of the Sith" novelization he does, indeed ask if Anakin loves Obi-Wan more than his wife. Considering he doesn't even think about going to talk to her, I'm going to go with, yes - he does love him more than her._


	6. Shatterpoints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None from the movies. Refers to the RotS book and a revelation there about his hand in things.
> 
> Pairings: possible Obi-Wan/Anakin.
> 
> Summary: Mace’s reflections on his decisions regarding Anakin and Obi-Wan’s pairing.

654321

Shatterpoints.

They are everywhere.   
And it is my personal curse and blessing to see them.

That is why I insisted - yes, _insisted_ \- that Obi-Wan be given the rank of Knight.  
In addition to the rank, I pushed for him to become a Master.  
A Master with an untried and unready Padawan, Anakin Skywalker.

We do not always know the will of the Force but it brought those two together.

Qui-Gon always ran faster than was prudent or wise, yet many times, he saw clearly.  
Clearly though many times, he did not see accurately.

The boy was not for him.  
I do not think he was for Obi-wan either, but connected they were.  
Vividly and brightly, bound by a power that took a path I could not see the end of.

Perhaps it was not wise for me to push Obi-Wan as I did.

Knowing him as I do, I didn’t want him to be lenient towards his charge.  
He saw, as did I, Qui-Gon in Anakin.

Dangerous similarities that would have kept Obi-Wan as a subordinate to him.  
Not the dominate Master as he should be.  
Perhaps, I should have let them find their own rhythm.

They are not Master and Padawan as they should be.

No, they are partners.  
Partners separated by a vague idea of boundary lines.

Nothing more than that, an idea.  
Obi-Wan and Anakin learned from each other as true Masters and Padawans do, that was true.  
But nothing between them was ever as it should’ve been.

I was prideful, knowing that I was right about this, about their pairing.

I know that Yoda did not feel it was the best solution to our problem with the boy.  
He thought Anakin to old, to risky to be trained in our ways.

He didn’t want them paired, seeing the unmistakable danger in this.  
Danger that we ignored, thinking that we could contain it if it were in our midst.  
Would that I had seen so clearly, perhaps the boy wouldn’t have sough Palpatine.

Palpatine.

How the very thought of his name curls my stomach with anger, though I quickly release it.  
For years, **_YEARS_** , he has deceived us all.

And we delivered the Chosen One to him.  
We couldn’t have been more obvious had we gift wrapped the boy and handed him over.  
Over to the Sith who has been controlling the whole situation.

Oh, we expressed our dissatisfaction over Palpatine’s continual friendship with Anakin.

But we did nothing to stop it.  
Nothing more than speak against it.

We did not tell Obi-Wan to cut them off from each other.  
In that, we expected him to take the lead.  
A lead he was incapable of taking for we had crippled him.

Crippled him, _crippled them_ , through our mistrust of them.

I did not listen to Obi-Wan’s concerns over Anakin.  
Never did we of the Council listen to him when he spoke of Anakin, thinking we knew best.

Thinking that we saw it all.  
Saw the truth behind his words.  
We thought it was a simple matter of not believing in Anakin.

Oh, if only it had been that simple.

Obi-Wan saw what we did not.  
He knew that Anakin could not live life by songs or platitudes.

He needed to sing, _to live_ , about something.  
Someone.  
Anakin Skywalker could not - _**would**_ **not** **-** be content with just words and phrases.

He had to _be_ a part of the music of life.

This, we could not perceive with any sympathy.  
We could not comprehend why this was so with him.

For it is not the Jedi way to want to play a part in life in such a manner.  
To integrate and be a part of something more, this was not something we sought.  
In our misunderstanding of them and their example, we ignored what they were becoming.

We withheld from them even as we pushed them to be something more than mere Jedi.

Pushed them to be perfect, which they became together.   
Skywalker and Kenobi, the Team all sought after and wanted to see.

Their names became synonymous with safety and rightness.  
People knew, they just _knew_ , that things would be all right once they arrived.  
 _The Negotiator_ and _The Hero with No Fear_ , they were what it was all about.

It was all anyone wanted to see of them, the new faces of the Jedi Order.

No one bothered to probe beneath the surface to see what lay underneath.   
What pains, what secrets, their hearts hid from us.

From each other - and from themselves.  
None of us wanted to know as long as they did as they were told.  
We did not want to deal with it.

Hypocritical of us, perhaps but who isn’t at some point in life?

Even the Jedi are not immune to this very human failing.  
Why deny it?

Yet in this, we were more hypocritical than in any other case.  
Why?  
Because they _were_ the New Jedi and we did not want to deal with them.

Instead of learning from them - or letting them learn from each other, we separated them.

It was our intent to catch Darth Sidious, so we asked Obi-Wan to catch Grievous.  
Then we asked him to order Anakin to keep an eye on Palpatine and his acquaintances.

The sight of Obi-Wan’s sickened and pained expression haunts me even now.  
I should’ve known then that it wasn’t the right thing to do.  
Yet, what else could we do but this?

The way to peace was to get _Sidious_ , not Grievous.

The way to Sidious was through Palpatine.  
And the way to Palpatine was through Skywalker.

If that meant twisting their friendship, then so be it.  
We would use any tool to attain the peace we sought after so long.  
Twist or break that friendship, we knew that Obi-Wan would do this for us.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Jedi, he understands sacrifice.

He has made it his whole life’s goal to do what is right.   
To do his duty, even if it feels wrong to him.

And many times we have asked that he do so.  
That he turn his back on his Master’s teachings and follow our lead.  
Would that the same could be said of Skywalker.

Loyalty to people, Kenobi said, _loyalty to people, not ideas_ , is what drives the boy.

I watched them part that fateful day, seeing all to clearly what he meant.  
It was all too apparent that the only thing physically stopping Skywalker from going was Kenobi.

And even that didn’t seem to be enough for him.  
The lines of destiny swirled furiously about them, as though trying to tie them together.  
Tie them so tightly together that no amount of distance, of enemies, could rip them asunder.

Not that they needed that binding for they were complete.

The pale, ghostly face of Skywalker at my door was something I had not expected to see.  
Nor the desperate plea in his eyes and voice to talk to Obi-Wan.

I refused to even consider it for Obi-Wan had to finish his mission.  
Skywalker told me the sickening truth that we should’ve known instantly.  
Palpatine, the Supreme Chancellor and our guide to peace, was Darth Sidious.

How…blindingly obvious and maddening this truth was.

Maddening that we had become so full of ourselves that we did not see it.  
Did not see, not feel, how close the Sith was to us.

Living right in our midst, he blinded us so easily.  
We had grown to accustomed to acceptance, to luxury, that we never pushed the boundaries.  
Never tried to extend our reach and grow farther than our own mandates.

Taking a trusted few Jedi with me, I went to arrest him.

That was my only intent.  
Nothing would have been accomplished by his death.

Yet, he saw no reason to hide himself any longer and challenged us.  
And in the end, his grip over Skywalker turned the tide of our battle.  
He knew something, something that caused Skywalker to turn his back on us at last.

I saw the way he manipulated him.

Skywalker stood uncertain, unbalanced.  
Undecided for who he should stand beside.

To late did I see this essential truth, to late to understand what Obi-Wan had meant.  
To late to undo the wrongs that had been done to him by our actions.  
It was always for Obi-Wan that he obeyed us.

It was never about or for us.

Never for us who sat on the Council.  
Skywalker had little confidence or trust in us.

That was all Obi-Wan’s, no matter what we did to them.  
No matter how we pushed them apart, he clung tenaciously to his Master.  
His Master was the one who held him on our side and we took that away from him.

As I fall I think, would things have been different had I let him call his Obi-Wan?

The End.


	7. One Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Not a one, as far as I can tell. Unless opinions about certain things count. Then I guess it does because it has my own personal interpretation of whom the other hope Yoda meant in ESB.
> 
> Summary: Yoda thinks about things.

654321

Much danger saw I in the boy.

Chosen One, Anakin Skywalker may be but unstable.  
Clouded is the Dark Side and centered on him it was.  
Centered on Obi-Wan it became.  
Twisting both until they become one.  
Unity between them, balanced but not so.

One Force.  
One destiny.  
One soul.

Palapatine, a dark shadow on the light as one they shine.  
Dark days for us I see.  
Seen his shaping of events sooner, I should have.  
Trusted Obi-Wan to do so when not ready he was.  
Burdened him unfairly, Qui-Gon did, as did I.

Watched with reservation all they had done, I did.  
Did not approve then.  
Will not approve now no matter what they do.

Never should I have let the Council do this to them, to us.  
Never let them be together at that time.  
Listen to the Council’s wishes, I did.  
Live to regret it, I know I shall.  
Walk through the fire of my mistakes, I must.

Come through it stronger, I will.  
Survive to protect the children of Skywalker, I have.  
Our hope for the future of the Jedi, they are.

Told Obi-Wan later as watched Luke go, there was another.  
Like him to not listen, not hear the truth.  
To blind to his own worth, we have made him.  
Only one hope have we left now.  
Only hope we have ever truly had, unique bond of Skywalker and Kenobi.

Obi-Wan must find it within him to believe in them again.  
To reach out and grab Anakin, find him wherein Vader’s darkness he lies.  
For still ever reaches he for his Obi-Wan.

The only hope for Anakin Skywalker’s redemption, he is.

Listen to Luke he should.  
Young man not blinded by his eyes, sees truly the one behind the mask.  
Sees that broken, jagged connection between the two of them, he does.  
Knows that his Uncle Owen lied not about Obi-Wan’s death.  
Truthful words were they that Obi-Wan died when Anakin did.

Father they both were to Luke.  
Connected then, as now, they must see and follow that call to each other.  
Hold onto the Kenobi inside to reach the Skywalker in Vader, Luke must.

Only way for them to reconnect and find home.

The End.

_So, yeah, I honestly think that Yoda was referring to Obi-Wan because there is **NO WAY** Obi-Wan would've forgotten about Leia._


	8. Strangely Glad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Very strange in places.
> 
> Summary: Vader’s thoughts.
> 
> Author’s Note: It kinda contradicts “My Everything” but I like this piece. And since the two of them are supposed to be different, I figure that's okay.

654321

There is a disturbance in the Force, more intimate than I’ve ever felt before.

More intimate and, contradictorily, welcoming for all that it signifies to me.  
This disturbance should irritate me, bring me anger even.  
Strangely, it does not.

For I know that it is he, Obi-Wan Kenobi, my old Master.  
A face from my past, one that I cannot erase from my old self’s memories.  
Nor do I want to, for he is _mine_ in a way that cannot be defined by simple words.

My old… _friend_ , for I do not think of him as my enemy.  
I cannot do so any longer.  
As I have said, he _is_ the greatest of all the Jedi.

The greatest of the Jedi and worthy of the respect and admiration given the title.  
He deserved…but, no.  
That is the weakness within me speaking.

Obi-Wan is nothing more than a tie to the past that must be severed.

I am the Master now, as I will shortly show him for he waits upon me.  
Seeing me, feeling my presence, this will tell him so.

Yet, he defies me still.  
In his eyes, I am still nothing more than a child that must be tutored.  
It was ever his way to try to bring me knowledge that I did not desire nor need.

He is…different than I remembered him being.  
Physically, his strength is depleted.  
It is not what it once was.

But there is a difference in his Force signature, one that I cannot place.  
It defines him now as it never did before.  
It matters not for I will make this man bow before me.

I will make him fear me, though I hear the strangled voice of the man I once was.

That sniveling Anakin Skywalker who cries out that we should not do this.  
That I mustn’t kill Kenobi.

I will not listen to that weakling who needed our former Master too much.  
Needed him to deeply to reach for his full potential.  
To tap into what made him, what made us, so powerful.

Obi-Wan bested me in a duel that I rightfully should have won.  
Anger builds within as I approach this man, this brother, but it fades.  
Though I will not be made a fool of again, I cannot kill him in anger.

I betrayed him.  
He betrayed me.  
In the end, whose betrayal was the greatest?

I may be Darth Vader, hated Sith, but I cannot take his life so cheaply.  
I will be the victor but I will have lost the greatest battle this day.  
To kill him and free myself from this relic tainting my past, I will lose myself at last.

I will be free of the weakening taint he casts upon me.  
Free from his powerful and harboring strength that keeps me alive.  
Free to be the Dark Lord of the Sith that my Emperor desires.

I strike him down, feeling nothing but a numbness spread inside my heart.  
It is as I once thought, so long ago.  
On the day that I lost him, I would feel no more for my heart would cease to be.

Though he falls, he surprises me one last time.  
My former Master does something that I do not understand when his blade lifts up.  
He leaves nothing behind but the brown robe that characterized his life.

I physically move even as I feel around with my senses and realize the truth.  
Obi-Wan has once again managed to defy my power.  
Somehow, he has removed himself from my reaching, grasping, desperate hands.

Hands that want to prevent him from leaving me again.  
To punish him for condemning me to this fate, for leaving me to face it alone.  
And, in my weakest moments, to hold him near so that I can hear his heartbeat again.

Obi-Wan has eluded my grasp as he has done all my life.  
Leaving no trace of him behind, there was nothing to give to my Master.  
He has harmed my Emperor far more cruelly than any mere betrayal could.

I find that I am…strangely glad that he has done so.

The End.


	9. Why, Ben?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: vaguely suspicious of A/O. Of course, wondering about his mom, so A/P.
> 
> Summary: Luke’s perceptions of his father and the crazy old man he knew as Ben.
> 
> Author’s Note: I make some stuff up since I don’t know if anything actually survived the purge done about the Jedi. Well, I know the Jedi Archives did b/c Luke uses them in his school. But this is more like the stuff on the Holo-net about the two men.

654321

_Why didn’t you tell me, Ben_?

I don’t mean about my father’s true identity.  
I believed you when you said you would have told me the truth when I became a Jedi.

And I do understand why you kept the truth from me.  
Don’t shake your head at me like that, Ben, I do.  
You knew I was an innocent boy fresh from the farm.  
Therefore, you knew how I thought for you had spent years watching over me.

Like a father to this lost and lonely soul I once was.

It was not hard to see what I believed.  
On that farm, surrounded by the love of my family, things were so simple and clear.

So innocently believing that the world was black and white.  
A place where the errors that being human causes did not exist.  
Truly, I was a child in all ways, though I had been twenty when I left with you.  
Left to became a grown up, leaving sweet innocence behind in the dust.

And, oh, how painful that was for you took your light from me.

Took it from me for a far greater purpose, I accept this as truth now.  
You did it because it was what the Force required of us both - and to reach out to my father.

For all your protestations that he was more machine than man, you knew.  
You knew this truth for all that you could not admit to its existence.  
Deep inside of you, where the memory of my father lived, you knew that he still lived.  
At least that he existed beyond the fringes of Vader’s consciousness.

Did you think that I never noticed how you never once told me that I must kill him?

You said that I must face him.  
Face him, Ben, not kill him.

Not much of a difference to some, I know, but I noticed.  
I noticed even when I did not understand what it meant to me.  
Vader was my greatest fear because I feared to become him.  
This was my final test, the final obstacle that I must face.

Face it and either defeat it or be defeated by it.

My father saved me from the Emperor but it was not just my voice he heard, was it, Ben?  
Even as I cried out to him to help me, I cried within my soul for you to help him.

I do not know how I know that would work, except the Force told me what you could not.  
Yours was the voice he craved to hear even now after all he had done.  
Craved for it was the one that soothed the demon that raged inside and brought out Anakin.  
Even as Vader - _yes, even as the Dark Sith Lord_ \- he needed you to be there for him.

You were his teacher but you were so much more to him than a mere friend.

After the reconstruction was almost finished, I researched the time before the Empire.  
Surprisingly, my father had kept many things from that time.

Do you know what I found kept beside his bed, in a place of prominence?  
It surprised me when I realized what it was.  
Would it surprise you as it had me to see what I found as I looked through them?  
For a man who did not like to be reminded of the past, he kept many mementos of it.

He kept many things from the time during the Clone Wars.

And all of it had to do with the team of Skywalker and Kenobi.  
I knew that you were an important figure in the wars but this?

This spoke of a man with courage and conviction.  
_The Negotiator_ who had brought peace to several worlds.  
Many times without a single blow being exchanged between forces.  
How did you ever find the kind of strength of conviction that allowed you to do so?

And by your side, always ready to help you out was _The Hero With No Fear_.

I know him to be my father for he never showed any fear.  
Nor any doubt, even when he turned against his former master.

To know that such as you two existed, I wonder how it could have fallen apart.  
They all believed in you for you did the impossible together.  
Safety was embodied inside the perfect blending of you two.  
As I read more, my mind fully opened and saw just how deep and true your pairing was.

It hit me like a blow far hotter and more painful than a light saber wound ever would.

He would have turned away from the Dark Side for you.  
For you he loved beyond all doubt, reason, and self-preservation.

So, why weren’t you there, Ben?  
Why weren’t you with my father when he needed you the most?  
Was it a test to see if he would be true to the Jedi Order?  
Did you think that you did not matter to him that much?

How could you be so blind as to not see how deeply he felt for you?

Or was there something more to it than that?  
Was it my mother and your ridiculous Jedi rule about marriage?

Were you disgusted that he married my mom and left him to his fate?  
Was your loyalty to the Jedi Order greater than the love you had for my father?  
For you did love him, you could not disguise that from me.  
Even as an innocent, untrained boy, I could feel it.

Talking of Anakin, even Vader, there was a kind of resigned love vibrating within you.

Then why, Ben?  
Why did you let this happen?

How could you miss that look in his eyes as he stood by your side?  
There are myriads of pictures in here and most of them are of the two of you.  
I see a few with a woman who looks so much like Leia that I know her to be my mother.  
She looks strong and capable as she stands between you two, a smile on her face.

Is she why you were not there?

I guess I can see why my father fell in love with her.  
I have rarely seen another more lovely, more earthbound angelic.

But there is a fragility within her that comes across even in this picture.  
For all the strength of her pose, there is something lacking.  
A spark of some kind that was in the earlier pictures of her, somehow she has lost it.  
For all the love my father has for her, she isn’t the one who carries his soul securely within.

How, then could you fail my father, though you loved him?

What was so important that it took you away from him?  
My father’s words speak of your loyalty, your total devotion to each other.

Stories within these pages, they tell the same tale.  
This tale speaks of two men who fought beside each other with perfect unity.  
Two separate entities who were one entity for they completed each other as no one else.  
Yet something happened and my father was left alone to fend for himself.

Why did you leave the man who protected you like an extension of yourself?

It had to be a mission of some kind, so why did he not go with you as he always did?  
Was there some restriction upon you that you followed blindly?

Though he does not say that he was angered by your choice, I feel that he was.  
Why did you not take him with you?  
Did you truly not see what was happening?  
Was it your love for him that kept you from seeing the danger he was in?

Tell me why, Ben, for this is something I do not understand.

The End.

_Darn that Luke. He made a liar of me. This calls for a rebuttal of some kind. Also, he doesn't mean to be negative about his mom, but these pictures he's seeing wouldn't have had her in normal looking clothes but more of the ornamental and outrageous outfits she wore. I think he'd have a hard time seeing her as attractive - especially when you think about the make-up she sometimes wore to conceal her identity_.


	10. I have been blind, unwilling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: None. Past movies and entirely made up in the Force’s glow zone.
> 
> Could be considered slightly higher in rating than general audiences.
> 
> Pairings: O/A. A/P.
> 
> Summary: Ben answers Luke’s questions to the best of his abilities, though he had to lock Anakin up to do it. And not quite the way you’re all thinking, the hotheaded Jedi wouldn’t let him answer.
> 
> Author’s Note: Ben’s rebuttal.

654321

_You ask me why and all I can say is, I don’t know_.

I do not know why he fell in such a way that I could not stop him.  
I do not truly know why I did not clearly see.  
See how that thin line between genius and madness was crossed by my dearest friend.  
Crossed and burned behind him in such a way that I could not, would not follow.

My whole life had been full of the certainties of what being a Jedi was.  
And that did not include the kind of passion your father exuded from every pore.  
It did not include the love of parent for child.  
We believed that such love occluded one from total allegiance to the Force.

The way of the Jedi of old was different from the way of the Jedi now.  
It did not include many things, Luke.  
Many things were forbidden to us because of what they could lead to.  
We had a fear of falling to the seduction of the Dark Side.

I was a Jedi in all ways, even though I am a deeply flawed man.  
Flawed in ways that, while I see them as failures, you do not.  
I loved your father too much.  
Loved him to deeply to see his failings for what they were.

And these failings he had were dangerous in ways that I could not contemplate.  
They were dangerous imperfections that I held in check.  
 _ **I**_ held him in check, a most unwise thing to do for another being, yet I could not help it.  
He never learned that restraint for he had me to do it for him.

I was his balance.  
I was his anchor.  
I accepted this easily for he was my friend.  
One that meant more to me than I could ever say - especially to him.

He was my emotional compass, my truism in that confused morass.   
He was my guardian through the quagmire of humanity.  
He was the one I counted on for protection from the world’s loud passions.  
Anakin was so willing to deal with them for me that I let him.

I was not much of a judge of humanity and their reliance upon feelings.  
Yes, I was a great negotiator, but I used logic when I dealt with other beings, for all that I acknowledge the viability of their emotions.  
I personally didn’t even try to finagle with the messiness that is at the heart of all beings, I allowed Anakin to do it for me.  
For me to lean on him so, was not right for our union was ill advised.

Ill-advised **_not_** unwanted for all the awkwardness of our first days together.  
I tried to hard to be what I wasn’t.  
He tried to hard to be what he thought I thought I wanted.  
Our happy medium didn’t come for years and by then it was almost to late.

Years in which we lost precious time trying to find ourselves - and each other.  
Instead of trying to learn who each of us really were, we hid ourselves from each other’s eyes.  
I because I knew I was not what he needed.  
And him because he didn’t want to let me down.

No, Luke, it was never about your mother.  
At least, not directly for I knew what he never admitted to me about them.  
I thought I meant nothing to him when I found out the truth.  
How could we be friends when he could not say that he married her?

How could I have meant something when he said nothing about reality of their lives together?  
Everything he worked for, he risked it all for her.  
The Jedi Order meant nothing to him for she was all he wanted.  
She was all he had ever wanted from the moment he saw her.

Padmé Amidala Skywalker was a brave and courageous woman.  
She was blinded by her love for him even as I.  
But I believed that she would save him.  
I thought that she was the one who had the strength to save him.

In believing this, _**I**_ condemned your mother to death for he killed her.  
He thought that we had betrayed him when she told him what I said of his deeds.  
Luke, I had never intended to fight him that fateful day.  
With the deepest, truest intent of my heart, I meant to talk to him.

If not for the fact that he attacked her, I would have.  
But I knew Anakin more truly than he thought I did.  
I knew that he would never lay a harsh hand on her.  
Nor would he allow his temper to sway him into harming her.

When he harmed her, I knew what I must do.  
I must detach from my heart and strike him down.  
I would do it for he had become the vermin we fought so hard against.  
I **died** that hellish day, Luke.

I died with Anakin Skywalker for he was a part of me.  
For all that I denied it, he was my reason for being.  
I failed him because I could not admit to this truth.  
I could not admit that we, as the Jedi, were wrong to live the way we did.

I never realized that it was always me that he needed more than his own life.   
Never recognized that the extent of his loyalty, of his commitment, was to me.  
Or so you and everyone else seem to be telling me.  
He says it to me in all he does.

Anakin was never one for half-measures.  
Always throwing himself into things with the full weight of his passion.  
It used to frighten me when he did this.  
I feared that he would burn himself out, burn himself up.

There was always a fire within his heart that I could not tame.  
It burned him constantly.  
Punishing him, pushing him to achieve greater feats of insanity.  
Anakin Skywalker was a flaming fire that would not be quenched.

Your father danced within the flames of his own brilliance.  
And lost himself to the madness blazing within his soul.  
He dared to live on the cusp of the Force’s wave and begged me to follow.  
Follow him along that new path and I could not for I was not like him.

He was the epitome of reckless courage and I am a mediator.  
For all my words that I would be there with him, I never could stand beside him.  
I could only trail along behind him and watch him do his own thing, making it every time.  
I was not there with him because he did not ask me to stay.

If he had asked, _just asked_ , I would have stayed with him.  
It went unspoken but I thought he knew that he and not the Council had my total devotion.  
He was my beloved Padawan.  
And if he had asked me to stay, to turn away from my mission, I would have.

If he had shown any distress about what he was asked to do, I would not have left.  
I could not have left him for any reason had I but known.  
Known that I was needed by him.  
My fault was that I accepted his words at face value.

I trusted him completely for all his never telling me of his marriage.  
Of his fears for Padmé and the future that awaited them for his dreams had twisted into darkness.  
I failed him by trusting him too deeply to see what was really going on.  
For loving him so much that I never believed he could fall to the dark, his light was so great.

_Yet, how could I not for he was, always will be, my Anakin_?

The End.

_Before anyone points out his feelings for Siri Tachi or Satine, Duchess of Mandalore I would like to say one thing - I can't believe he felt so deeply for either of these women, had Anakin see him nearly fall apart or go dark side and have Anakin NOT believe that Obi-Wan would understand what he was feeling/going through. Also, in one of the books, Obi-Wan literally asks what relevance does love have to a situation they are in. So, I stand by my feelings that Obi-Wan never really had a deep connection (be it romantic, familial, or platonic) to anyone but Anakin._


End file.
